can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
