hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize