Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
