What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
no, he came in my armpit
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize