Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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