It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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