I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
