Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
