R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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