captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
