Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
