So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
