I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
