since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
