I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I supernannyed him into submission
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
