Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
