Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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