Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
