Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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