A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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