It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
