I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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