you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
