i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
