my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
