mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
