This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
