I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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