Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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