I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
ttyl tear gas
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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