Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
