Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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