Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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