I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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