WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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