ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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