Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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