Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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