Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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