Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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