Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
