if you like me you must not know who I am
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
