I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
