dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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