How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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