I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
