sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
