Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We have started to decorate penises.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
