Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
