Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
