i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
