what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
