do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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