I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
