apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
