Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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