What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
