I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
