don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
