Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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