You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
