Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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