You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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