im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize