I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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