Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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