Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
