Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
