we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
