Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
